we’d love to hire you but first, we have to set something straight:
We’ve learned a valuable lesson on Reddit the other day. And – so sorry -, we have written some job offers that looked just like those, with bad jokes. One very important detail: we still offered great jobs, but came across as a shitty employer. One Reddit user summed it up quite hilariously:
Looking to hire developer! M̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶i̶n̶h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶h̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶m̶p̶o̶s̶s̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶d̶l̶i̶n̶e̶s̶ a ROCKSTAR . Needs to d̶o̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶q̶u̶e̶s̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ be a team player, y̶e̶t̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶g̶o̶e̶s̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶ work independently with minimal supervision in a c̶l̶u̶s̶t̶e̶r̶f̶u̶c̶k̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶ fast paced environment while r̶i̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶r̶o̶y̶a̶l̶ ̶g̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶U̶n̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ working on cutting edge technology. If you think you have what it takes to run with a̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶o̶l̶l̶e̶g̶e̶ ̶d̶r̶o̶p̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶c̶h̶ ̶q̶u̶i̶c̶k̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶n̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶c̶a̶p̶i̶t̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶p̶a̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶a̶l̶e̶n̶t̶?̶ the future market leaders, apply now! (Credit to: u/Sparcrypt on r/Programmerhumor)
So – we’re sorry! We don’t need a rockstar or a ninja. We need an iOS Developer that works like a German car. Reliable, trustworthy, exceptional, and solid. We promise we’ll treat you exactly like that.
Ok, so now we’ve got that out of the way, let’s introduce ourselves quickly.
We pride ourselves on creating the best software, working with outstanding people, and going above and beyond for our customers. That excellence has been rewarded with millions of amazing customers all across the globe plus millions of users who sign in every day to trust us with supporting and enabling their businesses. We’re a profitable, entirely self-funded business with no investors or outside influences beyond one: our customers and what’s best for them. We’re a company of action, full of triers and doers: we try things, we make mistakes, and we learn from them.
- Build an iOS native app which customers love;
- Write unit tests which verify the app in a Continuous Deployment process;
- Be a key team member in the development and design of new projects;
- Help to continuously improve development work in all areas (coding, processes, tools, testing, etc.);
- Be a technical sparring partner for the organization to help the business create efficient and effective requirements;
- Work with your international counterparts across the world.
- This is a medior position, so we need you to have experience developing native iOS using Objective-C and Swift. The best way to prove your skills to us is by showing off your portfolio. We can’t wait to see what you’ve done so far!
- You must be willing to learn, not because ‘you have to’, but because you want to. Especially in the profession of development, it’s important to always keep on top of the latest developments and learn new skills. It’s the only way to remain the best at what you do.
- Since we’ve compared you (and ourselves) to a German car, you’ll need to have attention to detail. We can’t get sloppy now, can we? Nein.
We hope you’re still reading because, as we said, we’d love to hire you! Just in case you’re missing anything from our offer, let us know. We can always try and see if we can make it possible!
- No bullshit, but also no boring non-fun job.
- A competitive salary: earn what you’re worth, with regular reviews. We’re committed to your long-term future at the company, and we’re passionate about helping you to improve and enhance your skills.
- An unmatched work environment, that’s built to make life easy and is constantly improved.
- Silicon Valley amenities, such as iPhones and MacBook Pros, exciting high spec dev machines and very nice office facilities.
Now. This was a long one. Liebe Grüße and get in touch!